THE GREEN SHIRT

1998

The first self portrait

I don't know whether I was shy, or just proud, but I used to not like people looking at me. Maybe it started around age 12 or 13 when I wore a back brace for scoliosis. An awkward age anyway, I guess I got very tired of people staring.

I remember an incident in a grocery store when I was in my mid-20's. I was wearing my favorite green shirt. Two men walked past and made a comment about me looking good. I pretended to ignore them. One of the men said to his friend "She must not think she is very beautiful." I was embarrassed to have someone notice me.

I choose to paint myself in a green shirt 15 years later to say - "I'm learning to be OK with being seen. I'm learning to accept my beauty". Some time later I painted At Peace with the Deep which expresses that I'm learning to be OK with being seen at the heart level. I'm learning to accept both my beauty and my brokenness.